Football is the worst sport ever. Just as baseball is the worst sport ever. Just as basketball is the worst sport ever. And so on with hockey, with soccer, with cricket, with lacrosse, with any sport in which you become overly-attached to a team, hang your hopes on them each year, and then inevitably, have to deal with their losses.
So, football sucks. Your team lost the Super Bowl, or they lost trying to make it to the Super Bowl, or they lost so often this year that they didn’t even make the playoffs and ended up firing their head coach before Super Wild Card weekend even started. Well, the good news is that it’s over now, and you get to spend the rest of this cold winter season without football! (And then you start wondering why you immediately miss it so much if it’s the worst sport ever??) Anyways, here’s a list of non-football related activities that you can try and enjoy before spring shines on our lives again:
Go for a walk
No, seriously, go outside and get some Vitamin D. Breathe in that fresh air and remember what the sun feels like and what cute dogs their are in your neighborhood. (This is me saying “touch grass” in the nicest way possible.)
Invest in a coffee grinder
Take that money that you would have used during the postseason — buying beers at the game (or the bar), buying jerseys and shirts to show your pride — and invest that money into some really good coffee. You’ll need that caffeine after staying up until midnight EST every Sunday, Monday, and Thursday for the last five and a half months. Some recommendations for particular teams that missed the playoffs: Kaladi (Denver Broncos); Stumptown (Seattle Seahawks); Mothership (Las Vegas Raiders); Illuminar Coffee & Bud’s Beans (New England Patriots).
Check in on your friends
Send a quick text to the group chat to see how everyone's doing and how they're coping with their team's loss (or their fantasy losses). Better yet, go old-school and send a card! Conveniently, we already matched some of our cards with specific teams so you can talk more shit console your friends during the offseason.
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Football is an overly stimulating game to watch — the presentation of the games on television are paired with loud sounds, flashing lights, and quick cuts between camera angles, all to achieve the sensation that you’re in the game. Remove yourself from all that — and from screens in general for a bit. Dig into some books that you want to read. Don’t have any books that you want to read? Go to your local library! Because having fun isn’t hard when you have your library card. (P.S. We happen to have some great products to help you out with this one!)
Adopt a pet (or a plant)
Listen, I know this one isn’t the best thing to push on someone who’s still emotionally vulnerable after a loss like [insert your team here]’s — but if you don’t occasionally go onto PetFinder.com and find at least seven other animals you want to adopt (much to the chagrin of you current pet — sorry, Raffy!), then I don’t know what to tell you. If you know yourself well enough, or your team was out of playoff contention back in late December, maybe get yourself a plant. They’re not as cute as that one dog, Pearl, you saw up for adoption at the PetSmart in Glendale, CO next to the Super Target over by Shotgun Willie’s, but you also won’t need to clean up their poop.
Learn to cook (a new dish)
We know how awesome it was to spend twenty-two Sundays making up an excuse for why you ought to just order Pizza Hut and get as much of it as you want again because “you’ll just graze on it over the course of the whole day and have leftovers tomorrow,” but it’s time you start cooking for yourself again. Pull out one of those cookbooks you bought last year but never actually used and find a recipe you want to make. Take the time to prepare yourself a meal, because what else do you have to do with your Sundays now?
Lose yourself in another sport
For most areas of the country with an NFL team, you’ve got anywhere from 1 to 5 teams that you can divert your energy into. For instance — if you’re a Pats fan, go watch a Celtics or Bruins game (for the love of everything you hold dear in your life, though, don’t even attempt to keep up with the Sox). All that matters is that you take all of your pent up football energy and use it to learn everything about this other team for the next few months, until they inevitably take a crushing defeat that forces them out of playoff contention and you can ready yourself for the 2024-25 NFL season.